Democrats are funny - Redeux!

For your viewing and entertainment pleasure. Wonder if Barack went out for an Orange Mocha Frappuccino after the debate?

Black holes and monkey colliding - the end of the world as we know it?

Well, I woke up this morning and the world hadn't come to an end even though the CERN "Big Bang" Hadron collider experiment took place today. There's still hope though since they just sent some protons crashing around. I'm sure once they start smashing more atoms and crap together that we'll all end up in some gaping black hole of nothingness. At least that's what these people think about the "doomsday device." I think that in light of these recent events, it's only fitting that I'm playing Spore and evolving my own species from cell to civilization. That way I'll be ready to repopulate the planet if need be.

Speaking of colliders, all this talk of smashing particles reminded me of my favorite Onion article of all time - the Super Monkey Collider.

October 22, 1996 | Issue 30•11

Congress voted Monday to cut federal funding for the superconducting monkey collider, a controversial experiment which has cost taxpayers an estimated $7.6 billion a year since its creation in 1983.

Monkeys relax in the main hallway of the abandoned collider, which, if successful, would have smashed the primates together at near-light speeds.

The collider, which was to be built within a 45-mile-long circular tunnel, would accelerate monkeys to near-light speeds before smashing them together. Scientists insist the collider is an important step toward understanding the universe, because no one can yet say for certain what kind of noises monkeys would make if collided at those high speeds.

"It could be a thump, a splat, or maybe even a sound that hasn't yet been heard by human ears," said project head Dr. Eric Reed Friday, in an impassioned plea to Congress. "How are we supposed to understand things like the atom or the nature of gravity if we don't even know what colliding monkeys sound like?"

But Congress, under heavy pressure from the powerful monkey rights lobby, decided that money being spent on the monkey collider would be put to better use in other areas of government. Now, with funding cut off, the future of our nation's monkey collision program looks bleak.

Congress began funding the monkey collider in 1983, after Reed convinced lawmakers that the U.S. was lagging behind the Soviet Union in monkey-colliding technology. Funds were quickly allocated so that Reed could spend a week procuring monkeys on Florida's beautiful Captiva Island. Though Reed returned with a great tan and a beautiful young fiancee, he reported that there were no monkeys to be found on the sunny Gulf Coast island. Congress funded subsequent trips to the Cayman Islands, Bora Bora and Cancun, but these searches also yielded negative results.

Two years passed without a single monkey being procured, and Congress was close to cutting the project's funding. It was then that Reed got the idea to utilize monkeys already being bred in captivity. The Congressional Subcommittee for Scientific Investigation was enthralled by the idea of watching caged monkeys copulate, and increased funding by 40 percent.

With a steady supply of monkeys ensured, construction of the monkey collider began on a scenic Colorado site. Despite environmental pressure, a mountain was levelled to facilitate construction of the seven-mile-wide complex. Huge underground tunnels were dug, at a cost of billions of dollars and 17 lives. Money left over was used to build resort homes, spas and video arcades for Reed, his colleagues and several Congressmen.

Construction of the collider's acceleration mechanism was delayed for years, as scientists couldn't decide how to get the monkeys up to smashing speed. Last month, it was finally decided that the collider would employ a system in which the monkeys run through the tunnels chasing holographic projections of bananas. "Monkeys love bananas," Reed said, "and they're willing to run extremely fast to get them."

But now it seems the acceleration mechanism may never be built. With the monkey collider placed on indefinite hold, the huge research facility in Colorado lies dormant.

To keep the space from going to waste, Congress Monday voted to convert the empty underground tunnel into a federally funded drag-racing track. The track is expected to create hundreds of jobs in the form of pit crews and concessions workers, and will allow President Clinton to impress important foreign dignitaries with America's wheelie technology.

Despite this promising alternate plan, most involved with the monkey collider project feel the sudden cuts in funding are inexcusable. "It is a travesty of science," Reed said. "I remember the joy I felt in college when I would launch monkeys at one another with big rubber bands, and this project would have been even more enlightening."

Back to school, Zuma, scrapbooking and crappy weather

1. Today was the first day of school for Cole. He actually handled it quite well compared to previous years. He woke up, got his shower and headed downstairs for breakfast with nary a snide remark or a put-out look. I treasure those type of mornings. He even spoke using words with more than one syllable. Double bonus for me! I'm sure that even though he was dreading the first day, at least he'll get to see his new girlfriend. Too bad they don't have any classes together. With a lingering cloud of Abercrombie cologne, he headed off for the bus at 6:30 am. These are the days that I love being home so I can pump him for info at 2:30pm. I'm sure he'll be monosyllabic by then!

2. Chris got me a bunch of Pop Cap games awhile back, and while I've enjoyed playing them, I quickly became addicted to Zuma Deluxe. The game is pretty straight-forward- you shoot colored balls at a chain of balls and try to make sets of three. Of course, the game gets progressively harder as the levels increase. I cleared the first 8 levels pretty quickly and then it got crazy hard. I was stuck on 11 for a few weeks and just two days ago, I completed the bonus round on level 13. It was a bittersweet moment because while I was glad to have completed it, I was sad to be done with the game. Chris says I'm now a game addict :) In true addict maner, I searched for a similar game and ended up with Luxor 2. The premise is similar but it's not as fun. *sigh* If anyone knows of any games similar to Zuma Deluxe, please let me know!

3. I've dipped my toes once again into the scrapbooking waters. Chris was nice enough to finish editing the Disney pictures so I started printing them out. My printer, however, is really finicky if I don't use it regularly. The ink clogs and it takes time to run cleaning programs etc so scrapping is not a spontaneous thing in our house. In a flashback to previous technology rants involving the MythTV dvr fiasco, poor Chris had to listen to me bitch about how we have too much technology and nothing is ever easy in this house! For the sake of our marriage, I may run down to Costco and have some pictures printed. Sometimes the easy way out is the way to go.

4. Of course, since August was one of the crappiest summer months on record, September is shaping up to be beautiful - right as the kids go back to school. I love fall so I'm mentally ready for the crisp weather and fall decorating; however, I'll probably have to wait until October for the crispness at this rate!

Munchkin, walking & camping

1. Tania and C introduced to the fun card game, Munchkin, a few months ago and we were instantly hooked. It's a spoof of role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. Players can become wizards, elves, and clerics in order to combat monsters such as Pukachu and Squidzilla. Along the way, they must also deal with curses such as the dreaded Duck of Doom. It's geeky fun but we have a great time playing. We're going to get together tonight and battle it out while enjoying pizza, sangria and bellinis.

2. Tomorrow is the annual 5 & 10k walk/run for Children's Hospital. Chris's company is a sponsor so we always make sure to put this event on our calendar. The good news this year is that the run is in August rather than October. October can be an iffy month weather-wise in the Seattle area. More often than not, it's rainy and icky, but there is also the occassional beautiful fall day. Although it's going to be 93 tomorrow, the run/walk starts at 8 a.m. so we'll be done before the heatwave hits.

3. I don't really enjoy camping that much but I'm going down to Riffe Lake with Cole and my parents for a few days next week. My parents have a motorhome and they enjoy getting out and communing with nature (as much as you can in a fully equiped "home.") I am not a fan of sleeping in cramped quarters so I opt to car-camp. I put an air matress in the back of the Explorer and some tarps over the top to keep the sun/lookie-loos out and I'm good to go! Of course, I can only handle this for a couple of nights, but it's fun to hang out by the lake. And, of course, eat s'mores - the best part of camping :)

Hello jet lag, my old friend...

I always seem to have a hard time getting back into the swing of things after taking a trip. Even a short one like our jaunt to Chicago. I blame it on the recycled airplane air :)

1. Since I'm a lazy blogger, I haven't gotten around to blogging about Chicago, but you can read about our trip on Chris's, Avitania's and RE's blog. I will say that it was such a fun time! I think I slept about 20 hours in total which probably contributed significantly to my jet lag. Although I really enjoyed going out, I think the best night of the trip was just hanging out with RE and LF at their abode and chilling. Mojitos, pizza and the Olympics - a very fun night! And yes, RE, there is quite a bit of video of you singing :) Maybe I should auction the footage on eBay. *evil grin*

2. The school year is almost upon us. I've got about 6 weeks left before I go back, but Cole goes back in a little over two weeks. In preparation, we went school shopping yesterday at American Eagle and Abercrombie. Of those two stores, I much prefer the atmosphere at AE. I must be getting old because I cringe when we enter Abercrombie because of the smell (they spray cologne every 30 minutes) and the music. I had an enlightening conversation with one (cute - according to Cole) employee:

Me: Do these jeans come in 31 length
Cute, yet dumb employee (CYDE): Um.... I dunno.
Me: Do you think you could possibly check?
CYDE: You want me to check?
Me: That would be nice (rolls eyes):
CYDE: (mumbles into walkie talkie, pauses to listen, mumbles again before ringing up our purchases and not saying anything)
Me: Did you find out
CYDE: Oh yeah.... they don't
Me: Gee, thanks for all of your help (by this point, I want to hit her on the head with a bottle of Fierce cologne).

My advice to Cole at the end of this conversation- don't ever date a girl like that - Intelligence trumps cute every time.

3. Speaking of dates, Cole has one on Friday. He's not really calling it a "date" since the girl has to bring a friend along because her parents don't know Cole. I gave him RE's dating advice: "be funny and bring money." The money part will come from me but he's responsible for his own funny. I'm going to drop him off at the mall and then pick him up a few hours later. Maybe I should wear a disguise and sneak into the movie. Nah, I'll let him have his moment :)

On being a mallrat, getting blynched and my walking playlist

1. So the biggest shopping news in our area has been the almost-two year long remodel of our local mall. This mall hasn't been my favorite shopping destination for some time because of the lack of stores that I really like. Finding out about the new stores has been somewhat of a challenge because the developer was keeping it quiet. Bit by bit, however, I found out that H & M was going in along with Sephora as well as some larger versions of existing mall stores. Since I don't have a job or school right now, I've been sleuthing around trying to find out about the new stores. Sad, I know but I need a hobby right? Well, the official opening is tomorrow but since the theater complex opened last week, you can walk through the new section to get to the theater which is where I dragged Chris last night after dinner. I'm happy to report that there will be a Banana Republic (finally!) but no Pottery Barn or Williams-Sonoma (Boo!). I'll be there bright and early on Friday for the opening!

2. I have become a catchphrase for getting drunk. A few months back, I twittered something while slightly tipsy and Random Esquire proclaimed that I was "blynched." My twitter name is blynch23 hence... blynched. I look forward to getting blynched and eating lots of yummy food in Chicago.

3. I've been trying to walk a 5k (roughly 3.2 miles) a few times a week along with a couple of shorter 2 mile walks. I broke out the old shuffle (which I normally don't use for shorter walks) and created a new playlist. Among the eclectic tracks: Adam Ant, Kettel, Above and Beyond, Cesium 137, Chris Brown, Coldplay and Metro Station. I haven't gained any weight back since Orlando and I'm continuing to lose so the walking is definitely helping.

Disney makes you crazy

Disney makes you crazy
Originally uploaded by blynch23

Since I am not the photographer in the family, I only have a few pics of our Disney trip. This is one of my favorites. We were just going into "It's a Small World," and after 3 attempts to get Cole to smile, this is what I got.

You can see more pics here: Disney Vacation